A little Way to Remember my Existence

When it comes to life and death

Everyone is evil

I hate it

Stretched out hand i look up and see you. Barefooted, leggings, grey sweater over a black top i hear you speak in the softest voice introducing yourself to me. I introduce myself, still in a daze of earlier in the night, look to my left seeing one of my best friends in a further trip than me.

You sit in another corner of the room, put under the spotlight and the rest went to fast to remember. I promptly left thinking that everyone there was history like I already expected it to be before i entered. Left thinking that you would were going to be nothing, just another face. 

An hour later, I was biking towards town, my night was dimming, my buzz was leaving and my fun was dying. Not paying attention i bike right behind you. Thinking it was only going to be a short hello and questioning of how the rest of the party was. And apparently it was much more than a brief conversation, it turned into a very pleasant night together with another best friend, two acquaintances and you. I can remember you standing with me while i mocked my old crush, wearing a gorgeous coat and those sheep wool “boots”. You were just standing there cute as ever with not a care in the world, standing with an adorable blank stare, standing like the way i remember you.

What i was about to call an early night, turned into one which is not necessary an amazing one, but surely a memorable. It reminded me how to feel for someone again. By far it has been horrible, the insecurity it gives me when i talk to you, the feeling of acting like a dumbass when ever i say something. It is that we dont know each other that well that you would not dare to tell me if i am. Once again I am going down on a road of constant self-consciousness. I just thought maybe for a change it would not have to be this hard. I do not even know why i am still trying knowing that i could just leave it, forget it and move on. There is such a certain something of you that keeps me here and it is totally making me feel like a total ass. For the short time  i know you i feel like a totally hopeless person, someone who tries and gets kicked back down. I think i have to leave it, i have to look away and leave you. 

If you ever read this, i hope not to creep you out, i always come in with the best intention and i do not know what is overcoming me, i really, really like you but never dare to tell you <3

Gabriel Reyes

I like you <3 but you don’t know </3